is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
