Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
