I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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