He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
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You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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