Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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