just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
