Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
