apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
