I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
