woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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