I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
