please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
