She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
