Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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