My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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