omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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