she woke up with a sticky ear
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
