It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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