i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
well you can't waste a boner
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
