I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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