The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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