READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
