this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize