I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
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i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
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