Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
