I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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