After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
