"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
