I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
