Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
