i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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