i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
