So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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