why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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