No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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