singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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