ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
