It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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