booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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