I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
