She is in my trunk
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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