So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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