I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
