So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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