This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
