I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
