i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
