At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
