btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
