So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
