I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
