My Higher Power is John Stamos
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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