I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The feeling are messing with the penis
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
