True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
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I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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