That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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