I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
