i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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