the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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