oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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