EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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