Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
