So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
