She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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