During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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