I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
