The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
