Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
