if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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