need another drink. this is the easiest way
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
