I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
