so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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