I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
