i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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Sacagawea was the original milf.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
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You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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