I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
