i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
